How to Deal With a Family Member Who Is an Addict and Doesn't Get It

habit

Helping Someone with a Drug Addiction

Does someone you love accept a drug problem? Whether it's illegal substances or prescription medication, you can't force anyone to stop abusing drugs. But there are ways to support their recovery.

The effects of drug abuse and addiction on family and friends

Witnessing someone you intendance near battle a substance use disorder can be extremely distressing and have a heavy toll on your own mental and emotional well-being. Whether the drug abuser is a close friend, spouse, parent, child, or other family member, it's easy for their habit to take over your life. Information technology tin pile stress upon stress, test your patience, strain your depository financial institution residue, and leave yous racked by feelings of guilt, shame, anger, fright, frustration, and sadness.

You may worry about where your loved 1 is at whatsoever given fourth dimension, their run a risk of overdosing, or the damage they're doing to their health, future, and dwelling life. You may be in debt from paying their living expenses, the cost of legal troubles resulting from their drug abuse, or from failed attempts at rehab and recovery. You may besides be worn down by roofing for your loved one at home or work, having to shoulder the responsibilities they fail, or being unable to devote more time to other family, friends, and interests in your life.

Equally despairing as you lot may feel, you're not lone in your struggle. A Pew Inquiry Middle survey in 2017 found that nearly half of Americans have a family member or close friend who's been addicted to drugs. Across the Western earth, the abuse of prescription pain relievers and tranquillizers has skyrocketed in recent years, creating a public health crunch. (Forth with marijuana, they're at present amongst the most frequently driveling drugs.)

Whether the problem is with recreational drugs or prescription medications, drug corruption and addiction tin bear upon people from all walks of life, wrecking families, violent relationships apart, and destroying lives. But in that location is assist available. While you tin can't force someone to tackle their addiction, your dearest, back up, and patience can play a vital part in their recovery. With these guidelines, you tin can learn to back up your loved one's efforts, fix the necessary boundaries to preserve your own health and welfare, and detect some stability for both yourself and your loved one.

Understanding your loved ane'southward substance abuse

People start using drugs for a lot of different reasons. Many turn to substances to cope with the emotional hurting of a mental health problem, such as depression, anxiety, or PTSD. Known as cocky-medicating, some people may be aware they have a mental health issue but are unable to find healthier ways of coping, while others remain undiagnosed and apply drugs to manage specific symptoms.

Other people turn to drugs to change how they feel, to fit in, or to convalesce boredom or dissatisfaction with their lives. Then in that location are those whose substance corruption develops from a doctor'southward well-intentioned efforts to treat a medical condition. Of all the people prescribed opioids to relieve pain, for instance, estimates advise that more than than a quarter will end up misusing the drug.

[Read: Opioid Habit]

Whatsoever your loved one's reason for starting, though, not everyone who uses drugs develops a problem. While the exact causes of addiction aren't clear, genetics likely plays a role, along with ecology factors. While ane person is able to use substances without detrimental furnishings, another finds fifty-fifty coincidental use chop-chop escalates into compulsion and habit—a very dark pigsty from which they can experience powerless to emerge.

Recognizing drug abuse in a loved one

It'southward not e'er easy to recognize if a loved ane is abusing drugs. In teens, for example, drug abuse tin ofttimes resemble normal boyish moodiness. Furthermore, there's no specific amount or frequency of use that indicates someone'south drug utilise has become a cause for concern. Whether your loved one is using every day or every month, it's the adverse touch on their drug corruption has on their life that indicates a problem.

[Read: Drug Corruption and Addiction]

Signs your loved one may have a substance use disorder include:

Experiencing problems at work, school, or home. They appear loftier more than often, for case, and take more days away from piece of work or schoolhouse to compensate. Their work performance or school grades endure, they neglect their responsibilities at home, and encounter more than and more relationship difficulties. They may fifty-fifty lose their task, drib out of school, or dissever from a long-term partner.

New health issues, such as changes in sleep schedule, often appearing drawn or run-down, pronounced weight loss or weight gain, glassy or bloodshot optics, and forgetfulness or other noesis problems. Depending on the type of drug they're abusing, they may too exhibit frequent sniffing, nosebleeds, or shaking.

Changes in their mood and behavior. Your loved one may be more secretive and lie about what they're doing, where they're going, or how much they're using. They may be quick to acrimony or lash out, especially if you try to talk to them nigh their drug use. Heavy drug users frequently lose involvement in old hobbies, lack free energy, and become more moody, withdrawn, and sad. They may fifty-fifty neglect their advent and personal hygiene, and endure withdrawal symptoms if deprived of their drug of pick.

Recurring fiscal problems. Your loved one may stitch credit card debt to back up their drug use, seek loans, or ask to borrow money without any solid reason. They may fifty-fifty steal money or valuables to sell for drugs.

Drug paraphernalia to look out for

You may also be able to spot a loved one's substance abuse through the new or increased presence of drug paraphernalia.

Paper wraps, minor pieces of cling film, and tiny plastic bags are used to shop drugs.
Rolling papers, pipes, bongs, or pierced plastic bottles or cans are oftentimes used to smoke drugs.
Burnt foil, spoons, and syringes may indicate heroin use.
Those abusing prescription medications may be renewing their prescriptions more frequently or have bottles of medication prescribed for someone else.

How to talk to someone almost their drug abuse

Starting a chat with someone about their drug addiction is never easy, but it'due south of import you lot come from a place of compassion and understanding. Recollect, no one sets out to go an aficionado. Drug corruption is oftentimes a misguided attempt to cope with painful problems or mental health issues. Stress tends to fuel addictive beliefs, so criticizing, demeaning, or shaming them will simply push your loved ane abroad and may even encourage them to seek further condolement in substance corruption.

Discovering someone you love has a drug problem tin generate feelings of stupor, fear, and anger, peculiarly if it's your child or teen who's using. These stiff emotions tin brand communicating with a drug user even more challenging. So, it's important to cull a fourth dimension when you're both calm, sober, and complimentary of distractions to talk. Offer your help and support without being judgmental.

Don't delay. You don't have to await for your loved one to hit rock bottom—to get arrested, lose their job, suffer a medical emergency, or publicly humiliate themselves—to speak out. The earlier an habit is treated, the ameliorate.

Limited your concerns honestly. Emphasize that yous care for the person and are worried nigh their well-being. Offer specific examples of your loved i's drug-related beliefs that have made y'all concerned—and be honest near your own feelings.

Listen. Even when you don't concur with the person, take the time to listen to what they take to say, without trying to argue or contradict them. The more than your loved one feels heard, the more they'll run across you as supportive, someone they can confide in.

Offer them data nigh how they can address their drug problem—whether that's calling a helpline, talking to a doctor or counselor, inbound a treatment program, or going to a group coming together such equally SMART Recovery, or a 12-step program like Narcotics Bearding (NA).

[Read: Overcoming Drug Addiction]

Be prepared for deprival. Your loved one may become defensive or angry and turn down to talk over their drug use. Many people feel a sense of shame when confronted past their behavior and will effort to deny they have a problem. Don't argue with them, but revisit the issue another fourth dimension.

Avoid trying to lecture, threaten, bribe, or punish the person. Getting angry or making emotional appeals will likely only add to the user's feelings of guilt and reinforce their compulsion to use.

Don't expect a single conversation to fix the problem. This will likely exist the first of many conversations you'll demand to accept regarding your loved one'southward drug utilise. There'due south no quick prepare to overcoming habit. It may take several conversations for them to even acknowledge they have a problem, the first pace on the road to recovery.

Staging an intervention

Staging an intervention tends to exist a last-ditch effort to make someone realize they need treatment. Still, many addicts can react angrily when confronted past a group or feel their loved ones are ganging up on them.

If yous decide to phase a family unit meeting or intervention, it'due south important everyone involved comes from the same place of pity and understanding. This is not an excuse for people to vent their grievances most the addict's behavior or make them feel bullied or ashamed. The problem is the disease of addiction, not the person in its grip.

Supporting a loved one's addiction recovery

There'south no one-size-fits-all solution to overcoming an addiction to drugs, and information technology's rarely a process that'south quick or straightforward. While you can back up your loved 1 and encourage handling, you can't force them to change or control their decision-making. Letting your loved ane assume responsibility for their behavior and choices is an important footstep on their road to sobriety.

Suit your expectations. Everyone is different. Recovery for one person may mean total abstinence from drugs. For some other, it could mean cut dorsum or staying more often than not drug-free. Being too rigid in your expectations can lead to disappointment and a sense of failure, even if your loved one finds stability in their life over again.

Encourage your loved one to seek help. While some people are able to quit drugs on their own, the more assistance and support a person has, the amend their chances of success. Offer to sit down with your loved one while they call a helpline or back-trail them to a md'due south appointment, counseling session, or peer support group meeting.

Ensure they address any co-occurring bug. The problems that triggered your loved one's drug use in the first place will withal be there in one case they get sober. If they turned to drugs to self-medicate a mental wellness problem such as anxiety or depression, they'll demand to detect healthier means of coping with these issues without resorting to substance abuse. To achieve long-term recovery, it's vital they tackle both their addiction and their mental health issue at the same time.

[Read: Dual Diagnosis: Substance Abuse and Mental Health]

Aid programme for triggers and cravings. Your loved one will need to find means to cope with drug cravings and triggers. You can help distract them with other activities or encourage them to learn how to ride out the urge, but ultimately, they have to be responsible for their ain sobriety.

Encourage them to explore new interests. Quitting drugs can exit your loved one with a lot of actress fourth dimension to fill. To aid them avoid slipping dorsum into old habits, encourage them to develop new interests—ones that don't involve drugs but do add significant to their life. Retrieve volunteering, taking up a new sport or hobby, enrolling in a course, or spending fourth dimension in nature hiking or camping, for example—anything that doesn't generate a trigger to use.

Accept the likelihood of relapse. Despite your efforts and your loved one's best intentions, the truth is that recovery frequently involves relapse. If that happens, encourage the person to recommit to getting clean and support them equally they try again. Endeavour to stay patient. Each relapse is an opportunity for your loved one to learn from their mistakes and detect a new style forward.

Treatment options

Handling can have place at home, as a hospital outpatient, or in a residential facility or sober living community. While it tin vary co-ordinate to the type of drug your loved one is addicted to, their historic period, and any other issues they're facing, most treatment plans include some of the following elements:

Detox to purge the body of drugs, manage withdrawal symptoms, and achieve stability.
Treatment for any co-occurring mental wellness problems.
Counseling, whether it's individual, grouping, or family therapy—or a combination of all 3—to tackle the root cause of the drug utilise and larn better ways of coping.
Medication to help with withdrawal or treat any co-occurring disorders.
Ongoing peer support meetings, such as a 12-step programme, to keep the recovery on track and maintain sobriety.

Setting healthy boundaries

When someone you beloved has a problem with drugs, information technology's like shooting fish in a barrel to fall into the trap of shielding them from the consequences of their addiction. Referred to equally "enabling", you may embrace up for the person, take over their responsibilities, put their feelings before your own or other family members', rearrange your life to accommodate their addiction, or provide financial aid when they're unable to pay bills or go into legal trouble because of their drug utilise.

While information technology may seem that you're being supportive, enabling your loved one will just help maintain their addiction—and damage your own health and well-being forth the mode. Of course, it tin can exist extremely hard to say "no" to someone you love, especially if it'south your child, only protecting the person from the consequences of their drug abuse oft means you're removing the motivation for them to seek aid and change.

To ameliorate help someone with a drug addiction, it's frequently necessary to hold them accountable for their actions by establishing limits or boundaries for what is and isn't acceptable behavior. Without boundaries, your loved 1 never has to confront the consequences of their actions—and you'll eventually feel burned out from all the attempts to cover up, excuse, or compensate for their behavior.

Establishing boundaries for a loved one abusing drugs could include:

Non assuasive drug use, drug paraphernalia, or other drug users in the home.
Not covering upwards for them if they miss piece of work or school, not lying to get them out of trouble, or not taking over any responsibilities they've neglected.
Requiring they pay their share of hire and other bills on time.
Refusing to give them money to pay off debts or cover legal expenses if they're arrested.
Insisting that they always treat you with respect, even when high.

How to set boundaries—and stick to them

Talk to your loved 1 near boundaries at a time when y'all're both calm and not under the influence of drugs. Conspicuously outline what beliefs you will and volition not tolerate and what the consequences will be if they interruption your rules.
Follow through. It's almost inevitable that someone with an habit will test any limits yous set, so be prepared to follow through. If you don't enforce the consequences you've outlined, your loved one will know the boundaries are worthless and their destructive behavior will continue.
Remind yourself why you're doing this. No one wants to come across someone they intendance about suffer, simply a meaningful, respectful relationship cannot exist without boundaries. Having to face the negative consequences of their behavior could be the impetus your loved one needs to become clean.

Establishing fiscal boundaries

In add-on to the heavy emotional costs, money problems can besides mount for families of drug abusers. Heavy drug apply can exist expensive, every bit can the toll of rehab and resolving legal problems stemming from your loved 1'south drug dependency. It's not uncommon for spouses to lose their homes bankrolling their loved i's addiction, parents to empty their retirement accounts bailing their child out of debt, or for other family unit members to max out their credit cards paying for costly rehab programs.

That doesn't brand cutting off your loved i any easier. When setting financial boundaries, it'due south important to consider how far you're willing go. For example, are you willing to see your loved i spend time in jail instead of covering their legal fees? Are you willing to meet them evicted or living on the street instead of paying their living expenses?

While setting boundaries won't cure your loved one of their drug addiction or guarantee they seek assist, neither will spending coin. If your loved one chooses not to address their addiction, it won't matter how much coin y'all spend trying to change that. Ultimately, all you can control is how well you look later on your own health and welfare.

Taking intendance of yourself

Your loved i'south recovery from drug habit tin can be a long procedure and the negative impact on your own wellness, outlook, and well-existence can multiply over time. It'due south important y'all maintain a rest in your life to avoid burnout from all the stress and frustration that comes from helping someone get clean.

Notice back up. Expressing what you lot're going through can be very cathartic, then expect for support from trusted friends and family unit, or a peer support group for family members of drug addicts. Talking to others who are facing similar challenges can help yous detect condolement, reassurance, and new ways of coping.

Manage stress. The stress of witnessing someone you love battle addiction can have a heavy cost. You can reduce your stress levels by eating correct, exercising regularly, sleeping well, and practicing a relaxation technique such as yoga, deep breathing, or meditation. Since stress levels can escalate when quitting drugs, you can even encourage your loved one to do the aforementioned.

[Mind: Eye of the Storm Meditation]

Exercise acceptance. At some betoken, y'all've probably asked yourself "Why me?" or fifty-fifty blamed yourself for your loved one'due south struggle with addiction. But dwelling on circumstances outside your control will only sap your energy and damage your mood. Instead of searching for someone to blame or asking questions with no easy answers, learning to accept the things you tin can't modify tin can help you focus on the things that you lot do take control over.

Maintain other interests and relationships. It's easy for your loved one'southward battle with addiction to get all-consuming. But you'll find it easier to cope with a hard situation when other areas of your life are rewarding. Set bated fourth dimension in your day to pursue activities and relationships that bring you joy—and endeavour to go on up with piece of work, hobbies, and social plans.

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Source: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/addictions/helping-someone-with-drug-addiction.htm